The Restored Podcast
We are living proof that God can and will restore any life, any marriage, any family that submits to His will. Join us as we share our testimony of how God can take a situation and restore it to His purpose.
The Restored Podcast
Jesus Wept, So Why Can't We?
The inevitable transition from active parenting to empty-nesting stirs up a complex cocktail of emotions that many of us struggle to process. Frank and Darcie Montgomery open up about their painful yet beautiful journey as they prepare for their only son Hayden's high school graduation just days away. Their raw honesty captures the bittersweet reality of watching 18 years of daily hugs and shared moments transform into a new, uncertain chapter.
Through tears and vulnerable conversation, the Montgomerys challenge the harmful cultural narrative that strong people—especially men—must suppress their emotions. Looking to Jesus as the perfect model, they remind us that the Son of God himself wept openly, expressed righteous anger, and showed the full spectrum of human feelings throughout his ministry. This powerful biblical perspective affirms that our emotions aren't weakness but God-given signals that deserve acknowledgment and expression.
The couple explores the physical and psychological toll of bottling up emotions versus the healing that comes with healthy expression. They distinguish between feeling emotions and being controlled by them, offering practical wisdom for taking your feelings to God for transformation. As they navigate their own identity crisis of "who am I beyond being a parent?" they preview next week's deeper dive into finding our true identity in Christ rather than in temporary seasons or roles. Whether you're facing an empty nest, career transition, or any major life change, this episode offers both comfort and courage for the emotional journey ahead.
Send us your stories of restoration or prayer requests at therestoredcast@gmail.com—all prayer requests remain confidential and will be lifted up by Darcie, a passionate intercessor who will stand with you in prayer.
you are listening to the restored podcast with frank and darcy montgomery. You are listening to the Restored Podcast with Frank and Darcy Montgomery. We're back with another episode of the Restored Podcast. My name is Frank and I'm here with my beautiful and lovely wife, Darcy. Hey, I'm glad you're with us today.
Speaker 2:Thank you, why wouldn't I be here?
Speaker 1:Well, you could be in the bed bawling your eyes out.
Speaker 2:That was yesterday.
Speaker 1:Maybe tomorrow, but not today. I do want us to really dig into scripture, but I also want us to talk about things that are going on in our life and what we deal with and how we deal with it and how we live our life. Hopefully, you know something that God is teaching us, something that God is showing us we can help somebody else with. So, with that being said, we are going through a lot of different emotions right now. We are going through a lot of different emotions. Right now. We are in the final days of Hayden's educational career. I guess you would say we are in the final days of what is considered his childhood.
Speaker 2:Right, and when you put it that way, that doesn't hurt at all.
Speaker 1:We are a week and two days from our one and only child graduating high school. He has one week of school left, five days and technically I mean technically he's turning in his Chromebook tomorrow and Friday. I don't even think he's really going to a class. They have their senior breakfast and graduation practice and then they're dismissed after that. So really he has four days of school, which pretty much all the work's been done.
Speaker 2:Right. No one prepares the parent for this.
Speaker 1:Oh man, I mean, I've seen friends on facebook and social media years past whenever they would have kids graduating and I I didn't understand it. But now, just the emotional roller coaster of the past few weeks, and I know that this next week and a half is going to be just as emotional.
Speaker 2:Probably more.
Speaker 1:And it's a mixture of emotions. It's not all sad, it's not all happy, it's a mix, and one minute I'm feeling sad because I'm losing, not losing. I'm always going to be his dad. He's always going to be my friend.
Speaker 2:But there's a change, there's a difference. It's not going to be what you're used to.
Speaker 1:I mean, for the past 18 years I've had this kid by my side, under my roof every day, right, I mean there were, you know, during summer when he'd go to grandparents for a week or two, or summer camp, things like that. But for the past 18 years I have hugged his neck every day.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And that's coming to an end, and our son, only our son and I know other parents have experienced this, but he's not. I mean, he's talking a different state, and so that's even harder and it hit me a couple weeks ago when we were working in the yard and I was just like but you're about to leave, it's just going to be me doing the yard work, and that's when it really me, and I just remember I was bawling that night. That was sadness, because it's like a part of me is leaving.
Speaker 2:But there's also happiness and there's gladness and gratefulness, and joy and excitement and, you know, a little bit of hesitation going through all the pictures and seeing. I'm sorry that I made that up.
Speaker 1:Just seeing everything that Hayden has done, yeah, in these past few years, when he's been out with friends and starting to see some of the pictures that you know of his life, it's just, it's sad, but yet it's so rewarding to see your child grow into a man and to have that life outside of his parents and to see the friendships that he's made, some of his friends that he has now. I have no doubt that they'll last a lifetime. And all that to lead us into what we wanted to talk about and our emotions. I think so much, so much. More so for men, maybe, than for women. But we're taught in America as men, if you are a strong man, if you are a man, men don't show their emotions, men don't cry, men are stoic, and you helped me realize that that's just not the case. We're created in God's image and the emotions that we have, the emotions that we feel, they are God-given emotions.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, Even if they're hard, even if they're, you know they are from.
Speaker 1:God. They're from God, so we must acknowledge them. A.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Acknowledge that you're sad, acknowledge that you're happy, acknowledge that you're mad, whatever that emotion might be that you're feeling. First of all, you've got to acknowledge that you are feeling that emotion, after you acknowledge that the Bible instructs us to take those feelings to God. If you're feeling sad, take that sadness to God.
Speaker 2:And He'll give you joy.
Speaker 1:If you're worried.
Speaker 2:He'll give you peace.
Speaker 1:Take it to God If you're happy he'll give you peace. Take it to God. If you're happy, he'll multiply it. Take it to God and give him praise. Acknowledge those emotions, take those emotions to God. But men, we're taught that we're not supposed to show emotions and I've struggled with this with Hayden and I'll ask Hayden all the time you okay, you okay.
Speaker 2:Dad, why do you?
Speaker 1:ask me if I'm okay.
Speaker 2:But the thing is is he comes to me and he tells me he's open with me about how he feels. But he knows he's seen you project those emotions, he's seen you show them and not hold them back.
Speaker 1:And I've been very intentional about that, especially with him. I've been very intentional about allowing him to see me cry Right, allowing him to see me in those vulnerable moments because, well, at least in my mind, I want to think that he thinks of me as a manly man.
Speaker 2:He does. He said that.
Speaker 1:And I want him to know that it's okay for a manly man to cry. And whenever I think about that, I think about Jesus, and so many of the portraits we see portray Jesus as this slim, frail, smooth skin, smooth hand, as Hayden calls me. But that couldn't be more opposite from the truth. Joseph, jesus's earthly father, was a carpenter by trade and so, therefore, jesus was a carpenter. I mean, back then, what your dad did? Your dad taught you how to do that trade and you followed in their footsteps and you couldn't to be a carpenter back then. I mean, you had to be strong. You know, I picture Jesus being very fit, very muscular and calloused hands, possibly scars from splinters, you know, and I look at that and I think, ok, jesus was a manly man when he was here on earth, but yet Jesus acknowledged his emotions, and one.
Speaker 1:I don't know why this one comes to mind so much, but whenever Lazarus died, jesus the Bible says Jesus wept and Jesus acknowledged that emotion of sadness, because Lazarus was Jesus' friend, lazarus was like a brother to Jesus and they were very close. And so, yes, when Lazarus died, jesus was sad. But the thing that gets me there is Jesus acknowledged that emotion of sadness. Jesus allowed his body to express those emotions by him weeping. And it says Jesus wept. It didn't say Jesus cried, it didn't say Jesus shed a tear, it says Jesus wept. It didn't say Jesus shed a tear, it says Jesus wept. And so whenever I think of that, whenever I think of somebody weeping, I think of uncontrollable tears. I mean your belly is shaking, you know, just uncontrollable Loud. And I think of that and I think of Jesus acknowledging that sadness and allowing his body to express that emotion that he had.
Speaker 1:But here's the kicker he knew jesus knew lazarus wasn't dead forever right, that's powerful he knew jesus knew he was about to raise lazarus from the dead, but yet in that moment he was sad and in that moment of his sadness he allowed his body to express that emotion. And because of that, I think there's a couple of things that you and I can learn from that. In the first being, well, like we talked about earlier, the scripture tells us that you know to take all things to God. So when we experience those emotions, we take them to God and we, we are thankful for the ability to feel those emotions and to allow God to work through us through those emotions, god to work through us through those emotions. But I think that that's a clearer picture of Jesus saying look, allow your body to express those emotions of sadness. If your body wants to cry, let it cry, right. If your body wants to laugh, let it laugh.
Speaker 2:And it's just not.
Speaker 1:it's not just men, women are, you know, as bad at hiding those and pressing those down, and you know you have to let them out well, at the end of the day, we're emotional beings, right um, we are in a skin, we are in a body, but our souls are emotional beings. And when we hold those emotions in, when we don't allow ourselves to express those emotions, when we hold them in, it does things to our body, it wears our bodies down. Our bodies aren't meant to hold those emotions in. Our bodies are meant to express those emotions, to emit those emotions out of us. If you hold those emotions in, it'll age you, it'll mess with your nervous system, it'll mess with your digestive system, it'll mess with all these different systems in your body, to where they're not functioning correctly. And that's because God created your body in a manner to express those emotions and to not hold them in.
Speaker 2:And that took me a long time to understand and you helped me to understand that. Actually, because I am a emotional person, I'm a sensitive person, I feel things, I you know, and I would try to just push that down and ignore it, and it didn't work out well.
Speaker 1:Now it's kind of a kind of a fine line. You're supposed to express your emotions, right, but yet you don't want those emotions to control you.
Speaker 2:Right, you don't want to react on those emotions or act on those emotions. Either one.
Speaker 1:I mean the same thing with anger. Anger is an emotion that you feel and it can be a healthy emotion to feel, but if you act on that anger and you act out of that anger, it can cause you to sin, it can cause you to do things, it can cause you to say things that you don't want to say, things you don't want to do, and that, personally, is an emotion that I struggled with. Whenever I would get angry, I would just lose all control and completely regret everything that I said and did whenever I was angry, and that's why the Bible teaches you to be slow to anger slow to speak slow to speak and you work on those fruits of the spirit, you harvest those and that helps you to not react like that.
Speaker 1:And so just because you get angry doesn't necessarily mean you're sinning. You can be mad, all those things, and when you're mad, when you're angry, take that to God, take that anger to God and allow God to change that anger from anger to peace. From anger to peace, I mean again looking at Jesus, jesus got angry whenever he went into the temple, and they were, you know, using it as a place of business. That pissed Jesus off.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And it said that he was indignant with righteous anger, right, and he went flipping tables and and that and that is justified as a righteous anger.
Speaker 2:but again jesus allowed his emotions to be displayed and, like I was telling you, he had a lot of emotions. There's parts in scripture where he was filled with compassion and pity. There's places where he was, like you said, filled with the anger. There's places where he felt grief and sadness and betrayal, and that was all just in the garden. Um, he expressed his emotions like all of them, on the whole spectrum.
Speaker 1:So these emotions that we're feeling, they're not necessarily bad and it's not. It's okay to cry. I have to tell myself that it's okay to cry because you know, and I've been, and you're telling me it's not going to work, but I'm going to make it work. I'm trying to get all my tears out now. I'm doing everything I can. I'm looking at pictures, I'm watching videos from Hayden's FFA banquet. I'm doing whatever I can do to get all the tears out now.
Speaker 2:So when graduation day comes, I can be that strong dad. You're not going to, you're going to be like a sobbing pile of putty. You're going to be gone and that's okay. That's okay. That is a lot of stuff coming out. All those emotions are going to be coming out that day. We're both going to be balling.
Speaker 1:We're both going to be balling, and so I guess the main thing that I wanted to reiterate for me and you, but be anybody else that's listening is it's OK to have those emotions. You're supposed to have those emotions, those emotions are God given because you're sad it doesn't mean that your faith is low. Right.
Speaker 2:And sometimes we condemn ourselves and say well, why, if my faith is in God and it's so strong, why am I sad? Because that's an emotion from God and he will use it to grow you motion from God and he will use it to grow you. You know you talked about grieving.
Speaker 1:I do feel like I'm grieving right now. Well, you are grieving because we are ending a season of our life, right, and it's been a long season of raising a child and it's changed a little bit over, you know, as Hayden's grown. But now it's going to be a completely new season and, I think, another. You know, along with the emotional roller coaster that we've been on, the uncertainty of the future and what that looks like for me and you, and we're going to dig into this next week but to leave the listeners with a little preview. So many times we put our identity of who we are in that season that we're currently in and just because we're in a season, just because God has us doing something right now, that that's not our complete identity.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And I know you're struggling with that because for the past 18 years for the most part you've been a stay-at-home mom. You've dedicated your entire life to this home, to raising Hayden when I worked.
Speaker 2:I mean, I worked for you, and so I was still able. If Hayden had something or Hayden needed something, I was still right there.
Speaker 1:So yes, I am struggling with that, and those are again the emotions that we're feeling are part of it.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:But have those emotions, express those emotions. Don't be afraid to share that you're sad, don't be afraid to share that you're unsure of what the future looks like. But also, when you're feeling those things, take those things to God and allow God to change those. Turn your sadness into joy. To turn your unsure angst into peace, to turn your anger into joy. All those things, take it to Him, allow Him to do that. And then, like I said, next week I want us to dive into our identities in Christ and we'll start a Bible study. And next week I'm just warning everybody, it's probably going to be a little more emotional for us, but we'll dive into that identity and what our identity is in Christ. And again, so many times we tend to put our identity in what God has us doing at that moment, in that season of our life. But that's not necessarily our whole identity, that's just a part of it, of it. And so, until next week, be praying for Darcy that she's not a complete emotional wreck. Thank you in advance.
Speaker 1:As always, we'd love to connect with you at the Restored Podcast. You can find us on Facebook at the Restored Podcast. Find our Facebook page. You can also email us at therestoredcast at gmailcom. Send us your testimonies, your stories of restoration where God has changed your life and restored something in your life, in your marriage, in your child's life, whatever it might be. If you have a prayer request of something that you are needing restored in your marriage, in your child's life, whatever it might be, if you have a prayer request of something that you are needing restored in your life, by all means send it. Those prayer requests will be kept private. The only person that we will share that prayer request with is God and I guarantee you, if you do send in a prayer request, my amazing wife, who is an intercessor, she will take those requests before God and I guarantee you that she will be agreeing with you, whatever that prayer request might be. So until next time, my name is Frank and I've been alongside my beautiful wife, darcy. You've been listening to the Restored Podcast.