The Restored Podcast

Embracing Authenticity and Finding Freedom in Love

• Frank & Darcie Montgomery • Season 1 • Episode 2

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What if sharing your story could transform not only your life but also the lives of those around you? In our latest episode of the Restored Podcast, Frank and Darcie Montgomery join us to unpack the profound journey of embracing authenticity and transparency. Frank bravely recounts his battle with feelings of shame and embarrassment as he revealed his past struggles and how spiritual guidance played a pivotal role in his healing. You'll hear about the unlikely genesis of our podcast, fueled by divine inspiration and a leap of faith out of our comfort zones, proving that personal stories have the power to inspire hope and foster faith.

Love isn't just a fleeting emotion—it's a daily choice and a covenant. Through stories from our own lives and lessons passed down from family, explore the enduring nature of love and commitment, even amidst external pressures and modern misconceptions. We challenge the idea that happiness is dependent on others, highlighting instead the personal responsibility and conscious effort required to nurture relationships. As we wrap up, we underscore the power of choosing love over anger daily and invite you to engage with us on our journey. Connect with us through our Facebook page or email, and carry the message of love and faith into your week.

Frank:

You are listening to the Restored Podcast with Frank and Darcy Montgomery. So here we are, episode number two. On the first episode, we shared our testimony.

Darcie:

Yeah, you did.

Frank:

And everything that that entailed.

Darcie:

Right, and that's the first time you've ever spoken about it. So how did that make you feel?

Frank:

I was embarrassed. Ashamed because for so long I had put on this persona outside the house that we were, I won't say the perfect family, but put on a persona that you know we had it all together. Everything was functioning the way that it should. I was, you know, a good guy, and all of that, and for people to know my dirty, dark secrets of what life was really like, was embarrassing, to say the least. But later that night the Holy Spirit dealt with me and pointed out that I don't have a reason to be embarrassed. I don't have a reason to be ashamed because that's all under the blood. It was something that happened and, yes, that's who I was, yes, that's the way I acted, but that's not who I am anymore. But that's not who I am anymore. And when God looks at me, he doesn't see Frank the abuser, Frank the gambler.

Frank:

He sees a righteous son.

Darcie:

Right.

Frank:

And so, after that little reminder from the Holy Spirit, it was almost freeing that I didn't have to hide that anymore. I didn't have to, you know, skirt the subject because we had shared our testimony before. I had but it had always been you.

Darcie:

Right and you had never really spoke on it. But it had always been you Right and you had never really spoke on it. And so I mean I know that had to be hard, but it had to bring some sort of freedom right.

Frank:

No, absolutely it did. Lifted a weight. I'm able to, you know, a not care what people think, because I know what God thinks and he's so much better than people thinks and he's so much better than than people. If people want to look at frank and diss me because of that, then so be it, but that's not who I am anymore right and I mean we had shared with small groups before and in small circles.

Frank:

But I want to ask you the same question how do you feel after putting it out there I mean potentially for the entire world to hear?

Darcie:

I felt excited, I felt free and I felt expectation and you know, knew that God was going to use this, so any other feelings really didn't matter. It was just. You know, I knew God was going to use it and I was excited to see what he did with it.

Frank:

Yeah.

Darcie:

Yeah.

Frank:

I'm glad it's out there. Um, I you know my hope and prayer is that maybe somebody in a similar situation will find hope and will find strength and knowing that you know god can change whatever situation they're in, whether they are a guy like me who didn't know how to control his emotions, loves you know that other person but you know takes out all of their anger on them. Or if it's somebody in your shoes that you know is on the receiving end and maybe they're see something in their spouse that you know same thing that you saw in me and and you know, just let them know that look, there is hope there. You know God can restore, but you know I hope that people get that out of this podcast. And the word tells us that faith comes by hearing. So, even though that might have been hard for me to share, for you to share out there so publicly, the faith that can come to somebody else by hearing our testimony, I think is all worth it.

Darcie:

And that's the whole point of this podcast. I mean that's to bring glory to God and to help others, and I think that's why it was laid on my heart like it was.

Frank:

What was laid on your heart.

Darcie:

To do this podcast.

Frank:

Because this is completely out of your comfort zone.

Darcie:

Yes, it is.

Frank:

I mean, I've known for a couple years, or at least had an urge, a desire to do a podcast ever since submitted my life back to God and started living right and accepted that he has a calling on my life, and so I've wanted to do this, but I never told you about it. I you know.

Darcie:

I don't know if you saw no, I mean, I really I didn't know, and even you know, if I had an inkling that you wanted to do it, it was not going to be with me. You know, I didn't think that it would ever be with me right.

Frank:

And then you came to me and said you had had a dream or or I don't remember if it was a dream or if you, you know, just felt the unction of the holy spirit guiding you, and that.

Darcie:

But you came to me and said we're supposed to do a podcast together, and and that was terrifying to say that to you, because that put it out there and that made it a little bit more real. And then you took it a step further and started planning and all that and I was like, oh, this is really happening well, I had to because I knew if I delayed you would back out.

Frank:

You would find a reason to back out and question it and be like is that really what he was saying?

Darcie:

Yeah.

Frank:

But I know that you have a voice that needs to be heard and a story that needs to be heard, and you have so much as quiet as you are. You have a lot of wisdom.

Darcie:

Thank you.

Frank:

And life experience and different trials and tribulations that God is going to use for you, to help not just other women, but for you to help people in general and help them see that, look, if you submit your life to Christ, if you follow his will, that nothing is impossible and nothing's too big for God. And if you're in a situation maybe your life needs to be restored, or maybe their marriage, maybe it's a relationship, whatever that might be, you have that world experience and your relationship with Christ at the same time to where God is going to use that to help people.

Darcie:

Oh, thank you. That's the sweetest thing you've ever said.

Frank:

So, with all of that being said, you sent me a clip this morning and I want to play it because you have often felt the same way and before I play it for everybody's um um knowledge, this is Miss Kay from the Robertson family. I think this was on one of their podcasts that they have. It might have been on the Unashamed podcast, I'm not sure, but I want to play what she says because we recently watched their movie, the Blind, and saw a lot of similarities in their early relationship and ours. So here this goes.

Speaker 3:

I had a time when he didn't have the Lord in those 10 years, you know Well, when I stuck with him, then everybody was mad at me because they said leave him, leave him, leave him. And I said, no, my grandmother taught me to stay because that was what you were supposed to do. And you just pray and you know God will fix it eventually. Are you glad you did? Yes. Are you glad I did?

Darcie:

Yeah, thank you yes, are you glad I did yeah.

Speaker 3:

Thank you.

Frank:

So that's Miss Kay, and I've often heard you say the same thing that you had a lot of people in your ear.

Darcie:

I did. I had people telling me that I needed to leave. I had people acting like I was weak and stupid and a doormat and for a little while I believed that. But I've come to realize that wasn't a doormat, that wasn't stupid, that wasn't weak, that was love. That was, you know, true commitment and you know I'm glad that I stayed.

Frank:

I am thrilled to death that you stayed. I can't imagine my life now without you, but I want to. I want to talk about that because you said a couple of things. You said, first and foremost, love, and I think today's world struggles with what love is. They have media, they have movies, they have all this stuff. Media, they have movies, they have all this stuff. Basically, that love is just a feeling that you get inside of you.

Darcie:

It's an emotion that you feel and I believe that for a long time and that's you know thought too. But thanks to your mom, you know she was an example of Christian love. She was an example of commitment with your dad and I just watched her. That woman could love the unlovable, forgive the unforgivable, you know, find the best in everybody.

Frank:

And it really makes you think well, what is love then? If love is not just an emotion and the word tells us what love is, and Jesus instructs us that the greatest commandment is to love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your mind and all your soul, and to love one another in the same way that Christ loved us right and so, with with that, your love for me didn't matter how I made you feel right.

Darcie:

It wasn't based on what you made me feel, what you did for me, what you did to me, what you didn't do, wasn't based on any of that. It was just a I love this man, I'm here for this man. Good, bad, sickness and health you know all of that. Those vows mean something absolutely.

Frank:

They mean something. I mean it's a covenant between, between the two parties involved, the husband and the wife, and it's a covenant with God and so many people today.

Darcie:

They don't hold on to that. They don't hold on to the covenant. They don't, you know, recognize that covenant. They just think, oh, it's a legal agreement or whatever.

Frank:

Right and when things get, when things get bad, even though you said those vows for better or for worse, you know it's just easy to get out of the marriage and you know I'm a I'm not. I am not saying, if you have been divorced, that you know you're a horrible person.

Darcie:

No, god can use and does use people who have been through a divorce. They are restored, just like we were restored.

Frank:

Right. And just because you've gotten a divorce doesn't mean you're a bad person. Because you've gotten a divorce doesn't mean you're a bad person, it's just, you know. Is that what God wanted with you and your former spouse is to be divorced? No, he didn't. He designed man and woman and he designed the Institute of Marriage to be forever. Because those two fleshes become one Right to be forever, because those two fleshes become one right. And in order for those two fleshes to become one, you have to love one another. And again, it's not a love of that emotion, it's a. I choose to love you today. I choose to. Whether you get my nerves, whether you bring happiness to my life, today I choose to love you. I choose to stand up for you. I choose to protect you. I choose to pray for you. I choose to pray with you. I choose to honor you. I choose to hold you up. I choose to. I choose all those things. I choose to hold you up. I choose to. I choose all those things.

Darcie:

I choose to forgive you, even when it's real hard.

Frank:

Right and and people. I had this conversation with Hayden a few months ago, whenever he was dating a particular person and and he said that you know, I just dad, I I just don't know if she makes me happy. And I was quick to tell him, son, you're not with someone because they make you happy. It is your responsibility to be happy.

Darcie:

I mean, they will add to your happiness, but essentially you have to be happy on your own, with or without them.

Frank:

Absolutely. And I mean if you chose somebody, and I mean I look at our relationship and our history. I mean we were married within six months of meeting the other person, so we didn't know all of those little little things that would grind on each other's nerves, you know, and and People jump into relationships like that and they start finding those things, oh they, I love you. I love you, you know, let's let's have sex, let's do this, let's do that, I love you. But then whenever that other person starts doing things that they don't like, that doesn't bring them joy, that doesn't make them happy, they, they say they've fallen out of love and I honestly do not think there is such a thing.

Darcie:

I don't think you can fall out of love with somebody, because if you can, then you were never in love right.

Frank:

And you again? It goes back to that. You have to choose love, you have to choose all those things. And it makes me. You know, I know it's the most popular chapter in the Bible. When people think of love they're automatically going to say, oh, he's going to first Corinthians, chapter 13. Chapter 13.

Frank:

But I mean it distinctly tells us Love suffers long and is kind. Love does not envy, love does not parade itself, is not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in the truth. And how many times, how many times during our bad times, did you know when, when you made me mad or whatever I would wish not something bad happened to you, but you know, oh, you stubbed your toe in the dark or whatever. But I mean, you know, love doesn't rejoice in that iniquity, it but rejoices in the truth that bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails and all of those things are a decision that we make every single day. I'm going to choose not to be jealous of you, of anything you have, because A we're married and what you have, I have, I think.

Speaker 3:

Yeah.

Frank:

But I mean it's not boastful, it's not prideful, all of those things and I choose every day and I have to work at those every day. But there at the end, where it talks about bears all things I know you have always done this and I've gotten better protects it from the elements of the weather. Love Covers that other person and that's where the term covering comes from, like when I'm going to cover you in prayer and I know you would cover me in prayer on a daily basis.

Darcie:

I still do.

Frank:

And you brought up my mom earlier. I have memories all the years growing up Every night. It did not matter, we were most of the time in my little sister's room, but we would get together and we would read out of the Bible and then we would pray. Of course, the children, we were young, so we would pray the Lord's Prayer and then my mom would close with her prayer and she would go through the entire family.

Darcie:

And you have a very big family.

Frank:

It wasn't quite as big then, but it was still large, but she would name every single person and call their name out in prayer, and she did this every single night and I think without, without phil, and I think she continued until oh, absolutely she did you know, right before she passed.

Darcie:

I guarantee you she did.

Frank:

Absolutely she did. I mean, I'm sure she was praying for me up until her last breath, but, um, I mean, just that's what, that's what love does, and it doesn't. It doesn't boast that she didn't go around. You know, oh, I pray for you every night. Now, in our one-on-one conversations, she would tell me Frankie, you, oh, my goodness, I just said that, but she would. She would, um, tell me, you know, I, I pray for you and Darcy and Hayden every day. And I knew that, but she would just confirm it. But she didn't go around boasting to everybody. You know, that was just what she did, out of love and hopes all things and believes all things. And you know, I feel like, looking back, how much you truly loved me, because I would ask you all the time, why did you stay? And your first answer was always because I loved you. And then you would say something to the fact that I knew that wasn't you.

Darcie:

Yeah, because I had seen the other side and I knew the real you and I knew that that guy that would come out was an unhealed, broken part of you.

Frank:

And you hoped and believed that God would take that anger away, that God would heal me, because you had seen that other. So the love that you had within you believed that, hey, this guy can change, this guy can be the husband that I need, this guy can be the dad to Hayden that he's supposed to be, and because of that you were able to endure.

Darcie:

It wasn't easy, but yeah, I mean I just I knew, I knew that I wasn't supposed to go anywhere. I knew I was supposed to continue to fight for you with you, beside you, all of it, and I don't regret it.

Frank:

I can't say it enough how happy that makes me that you did do that, and I think it's fitting that we're having this conversation today about love, because Valentine's Day is right around the corner. I think whenever we post this, it'll be the day before Valentine's Day.

Darcie:

And you know I love Valentine's Day. Even though it's kind of corny and cheesy, I love it.

Frank:

So if anybody's listening, they can email us and I can get you ways to send Darcy Valentine's chocolates, because that is her favorite.

Darcie:

No, it's not.

Frank:

But I just think it's fitting that we're talking about love, and it's so different than the love that Hallmark wants you to believe. What love is when you have the love of Christ?

Darcie:

christ, it is so much more than that, and and you can love that person through any situation, like you can be there through any situation.

Frank:

If you have true love, like nothing is gonna tear you apart right and you know I, I don't want people to think that you know, know, we're saying stay in any situation.

Darcie:

I think we not know. If you're unsafe, leave. I was never afraid of being unsafe with you until that time that I had to call the police. That's when it reached the point and that's why that was the first time I did that. I'm not saying anybody should stay in a dangerous situation. Get out and protect yourself and your children.

Frank:

Love does not mean tolerating abuse. Wow.

Darcie:

Why don't you unpack that a little bit? Well, you caught me off guard, but I mean you can love somebody and you do not have to take the abuse from them. That is not love.

Frank:

Tolerating it is not love some people would probably call that tough love, and you did that a few times with me.

Darcie:

We separated I did because I I knew who you were and I wanted you to change. But I knew if I let you stay here and it stay in the same situation, it wasn't going to change. But I loved you and I checked on you. I mean, still, while we were separated, I was praying for you and I was checking on you and and I think it just all goes back to that's what.

Frank:

That's what love is, and you and I are talking about love between a husband and wife, a significant other Maybe somebody's listening and they're not married yet, but they're walking down that road to marriage.

Darcie:

I mean any situation with love, it's the same.

Frank:

But as Christ followers, as Christians, we are told to love our neighbor, to love everybody.

Darcie:

And we're told that you know, if we are his disciples, we will be known for our love.

Frank:

Amen.

Darcie:

That should be what you walk in. That's what you should be known for.

Frank:

I think that is some great stuff and I hope that people hear this and maybe spread a little bit more love and choose to love every day and not be full of anger.

Darcie:

Right, and you can love people who are difficult. It's not easy, but you can choose to love those difficult people in your life and maybe your love will change their difficulty level.

Frank:

So, before we end this, do you have any last remarks on what we've talked about today, on on love, on on um? You know our feelings of putting our story out there for everybody to hear no, I'm good all righty, then.

Frank:

You've been listening to the restoredored Podcast with Frank and Darcy Montgomery. We hope you have a wonderful week. Walk in love, choose love every day, and we'll see you next time on the Restored Podcast. If you have any questions about today's podcast, feel free to connect with us on Facebook at the Restored Podcast, or you can send us an email at therestoredcast at gmailcom. Thank you for listening and we hope that you have a blessed week. You.